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Currently, I am 7 days into a breakup. A breakup that I didn’t want, that I didn’t see coming, and that I fought against so hard. It’s not easy and by no means am I through it or over it but, every day, I am getting a little bit better. Every day the world is looking a little bit brighter, the pain is subsiding just a little bit more, I’m feeling a little bit lighter.

 

Everyone’s experience is going to be different but throughout this time it has helped me to know that other people have gone through similar situations and made it out the other end okay and even stronger. It helps to hear and watch other people and know that you are not alone because that time after a breakup feels so lonely, so isolating, so painful and so impossible.

 

These are a few of the things I’ve done in the past week to try to keep myself on my feet, to try to stay connected to and keep loving myself even though I haven’t felt that love from my partner, and to let the feelings move through me.

 

Talk About It

 

I have probably been on the phone 6 hours out of the day every single day, my friends full time job right now is taking care of me (don’t worry this time is spent on the phone with multiple people, I’m not just dumping on one). During this time it is so important to talk about what’s going on, how you’re feeling, what thoughts you’re having, talk about anything and everything you need to.

 

It’s so hard to go from talking to your person and being with your person every single day to not talking to them at all. It’s so hard to feel like you have so many things you want to say to them, so many thoughts, so many questions and you just can’t. This is where your friends come in, it’s so important to talk about ALL of the things, get things out of your head, be able to have a dialogue with a friend and maybe gain some perspective.

 

Spiraling during this time is so so normal and reaching out to people, having someone to talk it out with, I’ve found, has been the most impactful thing in helping me to get through this. Don’t let all of your thoughts, all of your feelings fester if you can help it, you will drive yourself insane.

 

Get Outside

 

I have gone outside nearly every day since it happened, aside from the couple of days immediately after. I’m lucky enough to live close to the beach so I’ve been going there for sunrise and sunset and it has been so healing.

 

Being in nature not only feels good because of the fresh air, the sun, the sound of leaves blowing or birds singing, it also helps us so much to appreciate how beautiful and worthwhile life is. If you’re feeling like this is the end of the world, like this is never ever going to get better and there’s no reason for living anymore, go outside. There is SO much beauty you can find and it may look dull at first but as you keep feeling a teeny bit better every day you’ll start to be able to notice the beauty in nature and the beauty in life again.

 

 

“Don’t let yourself go just because they let you go”

 

 

Practice Self Love

 

It’s easy in this time to neglect yourself, to not feel like you’re worthy or valued, or loved. It’s easy to just lay in bed and numb your feelings with social media or movies or food. It’s a lot harder to keep caring for yourself and showing up for yourself even in some of your darkest times but it is necessary.

 

This doesn’t have to look like anything crazy this can just be you putting your hands over your heart, taking a deep breath and reminding yourself of how beautiful and worthy you are. This can be drinking enough water for the day or getting some sun on your face. Do something that makes you feel beautiful, that makes you feel loved, and that makes you feel like you’re going to be okay.

 

 

 

 

Move your Body

 

Expressing all the emotions is so important at this time and I’m not only referring to bawling your eyes out I’m also referring to getting your body moving. The book “The Body Keeps the Score“ talks all about how and where in our body we hold onto traumas and emotions, it’s a great read.

 

Even if you feel like you don’t want to move, you just want to wallow, I promise it’s going to be so good for you. The best thing you could do for yourself is to get up, do some form of movement, and get those emotions moving through and out of your body.

 

 

“My heart is at ease knowing that what is meant for me will never miss me & that which misses me was never meant for me”

–Imam al-Shafi’i

 

 

Find a Relationship with a Higher Power

 

This can look however you want it to look, as long as you can connect with something bigger than you. Maybe this is God, The Universe, Mother Nature, whatever it is just find a connection with it, pray to it, write letters to it, ask it to take some of your burden and to help you through this time.

 

Even if you’re not super religious or spiritual it really helps to shift the weight that you’re carrying onto something else that you know will always have your best interest at heart, would never let anything pass you by that was meant for you and wouldn’t put a battle in your path that it thought you couldn’t handle.

 

Journal

 

Write. It. Down. Write everything and anything that comes up down especially if you don’t have a support system, get it out of your head by writing it on a piece of paper or even your notes app.

 

You can also start writing down some things that didn’t make you feel good in the relationship. At this time our brains play this highlight reel and make us feel like everything was amazing and there was never any downside. It’s very common to take how you were feeling, how your partner was acting, how things were going in the first few months of the relationship, span it across the entire thing and play tricks making you believe that you lost something incredible.

 

Our mind plays so many tricks on us at this time and it’s so easy to get stuck in that trap of intrusive thoughts, over-thinking, over-analyzing, only remembering the good, having a skewed perception of the relationship. Write everything down that comes up, it doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be elegantly written, just get it on paper and out of your spinning head.

 

Self Improvement Books

 

There are countless books to help you through difficult times in your life. I dove into self improvement books hard maybe 4 years ago and I will list some of the most helpful and impactful here and you can choose whichever you feel called to:

 

• When Things Fall Apart – Pema Chodron – Buddhist teachings to find inner peace and compassion through life’s most difficult times.
• How to do The Work – Dr. Nicole LePera – recognizing your patterns, healing from the past, and creating yourself.
• The Mountain is You – Brianna Wiest – diving into self sabotage and how to fix it.
• Stop Overthinking – Nick Trenton – relieve stress, stop negative spirals, declutter the mind, and live in the present.
• You’re Going to Make It – Lysa TerKeurst – 50 morning and evening devotions to unrush your mind, uncomplicate your heart and experience healing today.

 

Read, listen to a podcast, watch a youtube video, take this time to make yourself better, invest in yourself, it will give you the best return out of anything in your life.

 

I love you!! If you want to watch my youtube video on my breakup, she’s here: